Desiderata

I had gone through a very rough time this past winter. I felt lost within myself and could find no peace as my entire being was on the verge of a breakdown. This isn't unusual for me, but for the first time that this happened, I didn't feel completely and totally alone.
It was at that time that Megan sent me something beautiful that helped me greatly. I still go back and read this, even when I am having good days, because whether days are wonderful or upsetting, it touches me so. They have become words that I live by and I am so thankful that Megan had shared them with me. Now I want to share them with those willing to read it.


Desiderata

Go placidly amid the noise and haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible without surrender
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.

Avoid loud and aggressive persons,
they are vexations to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain and bitter;
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.

Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs;
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals;
and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself.
Especially, do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love;
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment
it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.

You are a child of the universe,
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be,
and whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful.
Strive to be happy.

Max Ehrmann, Desiderata, Copyright 1952.

MUSIC MAKES ME.

DREAM.
WONDER.
SMILE.
FEEL.
MOVE.
LISTEN.
CRY.
SWEAT.
SING.
THINK.
BELIEVE.
RELAX.
SMILE.
CREATE.
APPLAUD.
REMEMBER.


I saw all of this written on a cover of a little journal/notebook. It called to me. Everything wonderful in life that touches me will be placed in it. It will be carried with me for when I am inspired and need to remember something that was said. I hope you will write something in it when I see you. Inspire me.

Buddha says:

Hate is not overcome by hate; by love alone is hate appeased. This is an eternal law.

There is no fire like lust, no crime like hate. There is no ill like the body, no bliss higher than Peace.



Meditate.
Live purely. Be quiet.
Do your work with mastery.
Like the moon, come out
from behind the clouds!
Shine

The Jets are gonna have their way!

Rachel sent this to me. It made me cry. Oh how I love this musical. This is amazing.
JUST LOOK AT CHITA GO!!!

New project

William Miller: So Russell, what do you love about music?
Russell Hammond: To begin with... everything.




Once my credit card mess gets sorted out, I will be making a purchase and taking on a new project. I want you to be involved. Stay tuned.

Make art. Make art.

Heart

I want to talk about my friend, the beautiful and wonderful Showgofa.

The first time I met her, I was sitting at rush overnight for Johnny's last in SA. I was just laying there wrapped in my blankets and inside of my sleeping bag and a girl came up to me asking if I was Stef. I said yes and the lovely Showgofa then told me who she was and she thanked me for posting on TGO about Invisible Children because it made her want to get involved and want to help. She had told me about how she wanted to set up something at her school even though her principal is against supporting any causes.
I spend a lot of time talking to people about causes such as Invisible Children and Save Darfur, and I always feel as if my attempts to get people involved and make them care fail. It gets so discouraging knowing there are horrible things going on in the world and I constantly fail at making others want to get involved and make a difference. In the end, it isn't governments who will make the changes. It isn't politicians. It is just us. Regular people like us need to care and come together and do something. That is what Invisible Children has done. Three regular guys took a trip to Africa with video cameras and came across night commuters in Northern Uganda. They came home with their footage and told the story of the invisible children. Three regular people started this organization and they toured high schools and college campuses across the country showing this film to young people like us, and the people responded. IC has raised so much money and done so much because of young people caring. We are change. We are the future.
I try to make people care and do my part in spreading the word, and most people listen and remark on how terrible it is, but in the end they do nothing at all. That night I met Showgofa, her words touched me so much. All the work I've done trying to get people involved paid off because one person cared. That one person wanted to make a difference. All it takes is for us to convince one person to get involved and that leads to change. Showgofa gave me so much faith in people. She makes me so proud. I saved something that she told me awhile back on AIM because it just made me so proud that not only are there people like her, but I am blessed enough to know her.

Showgofa: guess what!
Showgofa: your girl almost got suspended today for supporting invisible children!
Showgofa: lol I wrote this article for our newspaper basically outraged that our principal refused to allow the school to participate in it's program and made a point to point out some of the ridiculous causes the district spends its time on (ANNUAL FUNDRAISER FOR VARIETY SHOW?????? seriously. it's a fundraiser. to get decorations and food...for a talent show.) and was threatened with suspension if I didn't retract what I wrote!
Showgofa: lol I walked out of his office and was like FUCK THE MAN.
Showgofa: it felt good and I thought of you lol
Showgofa: ...but then I was stopped by his secretary and I threatened to call our local news hahaha I lied and was like I HAVE THEM ON SPEED DIAL BC I KNEW THIS WOULD HAPPEN...we negotiated. i.e. I WON.
Showgofa: IT'S CALLED ROCK N' ROLL IF YOU CAN'T SWALLOW IT CHOKE.<333333333


She has recently touched my heart in another way by something she wrote on my facebook wall.

Showgofa H. (Mineola High School) wrote
at 4:26pm yesterday
so today in my music and the media class (basically my favorite class ever) our task was to write about the last time we gave a fuck about music and I instead wrote about my friend Stef who gives the biggest fuck about music out of everyone I know. Lots of folk references in it lol.



I miss this girl!!!! <3333

Take a ride with me

A Life

I acted strange. I made art. I listened to punk rock. I was no different from everybody I know. Living in this fucking fat ass, noncreative, consumerist culture, where the only way any of us can reach out is by fucking overexposing ourselves; making blogs, fucking instant messaging. I mean, we have very little communication as it is. Anyway, I went away to make music, and I came home, and I was alone and I had a nervous breakdown and I created Foggy to be my eyes and to be my ears. Because ultimately, the truth is is that I am so fucking alone. I am so pathetic and I am so alone and so maladjusted, so undeserving of love, so unlovable, that I probably should just stay behind my work and I don't blame anyone when they walk away from me because that's what I do. I walk away from me.
~Ryan Adams

It really is as simple as that

This post is dedicated to Melissa, since she is the only one who reads this and has been telling me to write another entry.


There are many musicians that I love and many songs that complete my life. Without The Beatles, I wouldn't exist. George Harrison is one of the greatest loves of my life. Bob Dylan is beyond human to me. Joni Mitchell holds the world inside of her voice. The Avett Bros. always know how to make me smile. If I ever had the chance to meet Jenny Lewis, I would run away because I could never bring myself to talk to her. I can keep on naming them, but there are two people that have touched my life in profound ways.






I have many people and many things that make up my soul, but these two men with their music own it. These songs are perfect to me. Their writing is perfect. Their voices are perfect. Their music is perfect. These two men right here are everything I love about music.

Ryan has been in my life for quite a few years longer than Johnny has. His music has been a constant in my life. His music never fails to move me. It makes me smile, rock out, cry, everything. The other night I put on "Love is Hell" and I found myself crying during "Hotel Chelsea Nights" because not only is it a brilliant song, but it's as if you can feel Ryan when listening to it. The words ring true and his soul speaks through every single note. Every single second on every single one of his albums, you can hear his heart and his soul. There is not one single moment in which you aren't aware just how much he gets music. Just take a look at this entry from his blog from 13 April 2008 17:52

“this is the first and last thing i see every day. ever fucking day.
because being in this position i am in means i must work four times

as hard as i did when i worked a 9 to 5. because this should not ever

feel like anything but a gift. to be worked for. every fucking day.

that is what i think anyway.

Earlier tonight I watched a video of him singing, "Oh My Sweet Carolina" and afterwards, I wrote this.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E_U_ftrz20Y I just... words can't even describe my feelings for this man. He is music. He is love. He is art. He is passion. He is everything. I have listened to "Oh My Sweet Carolina" more times that I can count, but I am seriously sitting here crying right now as if I have never in my life heard it before.

He is the moon and I am the tide. He moves me so.

The second musician, John Gallagher Jr., had originally spoken to me immensely through his performance in Spring Awakening, but it took less than 2 seconds for me to attach myself to his music. The amount of work I have heard by his is far less than other musicians that I love, but it was impossible for me to not fall completely head over heels in love with the music he has created. I am so grateful that I have had the chance to meet Johnny on numerous occassions and to be able to share with him exactly how much his music means to me, although I don't think he will ever fully understand how much it has touched me and the impact it has had on my life. He is one of those people that if he ever stopped making music, I would be beyond heartbroken. "John Gallagher" and "music" to me go together like the sun and the sky: one brings life into the other and without it, there would only be darkness and beauty would never be seen.

"The Buried Boy" means everything in the world to me. I had first heard the song last October I believe, and I had already loved everything Johnny was doing musically, but I heard that song and that was it for me. I don't understand how someone so young can write something so unbelievably perfect and beautiful. How does one get to be that talented? I have done nothing great in my life ever, and here this guy is creating flawless music as if it's nothing. When listening to his music, I sometimes wonder if he is aware of exactly how talented he is. I like to think that he is like Ryan in believing that writing music is a gift that is to be worked for every day.

Sometimes I think that I spend way too much time growing attached to these artists and to the masterpieces they create. Perhaps maybe music is just music and I let myself get too deeply involved in my love for it. I don't know....

Oh hey look, I'm using my blog again!

So I tried the whole LJ thing, but that wasn't really working for me because I can't figure the stupid thing out. I made a few posts and called it quits. As you can tell from my whopping 2 posts I made on here a few years ago, I am not good with keeping up blogs. My friend Melissa has inspired me to bring back this blog though and hopefully I'll add just a few posts every once in awhile.

So let's catch up on the 2008 Stef.
2008 has been a tough year, but it's been a great year. I had a breakdown earlier in the year, but I have found the most incredible people I've ever known and they clung to me and helped me find myself again. I saw Spring Awakening again, and sadly it wasn't the show that I came to love well over a year ago. It is still my favorite show, but the performance I saw was just off and different... it made me sad. But I also saw the brilliance that is Passing Strange. "People like us, we think that art is more real then life itself." Enough said. I also saw In The Heights twice and it has become one of my favorite musicals. It just has so much heart and moves me so much. It's such a positive thing that has come into my life and it makes me so grateful for people who are willing to share their talents. The highlight not only of my year, but it has become my favorite day ever, was seeing Old Springs Pike FINALLY. That band means the world to me. Everything about them is just pure love. And the thing that made seeing them so amazing was being with my friends. I couldn't have asked for anything better than sitting there singing along to the songs with Amanda, Kate, and Rachel. If I looked around, I could see Melissa and Michelle and Showgofa just enjoying themselves as well and my heart burst with happiness because we were all there together seeing this band that means the world to us all. Music and love. There is nothing else I need.
I also had the unbelievable pleasure of seeing Barack Obama speak at PSU. This man... there are no words. I have followed him for the past four years and he moves me more than I can say. He is the most inspiring person out there in US politics and he is truly the voice of the people. He does not speak for us, but he speaks as us and with us. He is our hope. I cannot wait until he leads this country.


And not to copy from Melissa, but I need to post one of my new favorite things ever from one of the loves of my life, Ryan Adams.

Keep Making Art,

and when you get tired; eat,

and/ or watch movies, every

kind

make tea and then Keep

Making Art.

That Will Keep You From

Becoming

"THEM"

- You Know-

those people

who could, but don't

and know there is nothing left

for them

them, the terrible them

that tear down the ones

WHO NEVER GAVE UP

on the dream

because you and me kid,

we were made of that stuff

and were born to dream,

even sometimes

for "them"